Kayaking was beautiful, of all things my dad taught me I wish I ACTUALLY listened to him telling us how to kayak.
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I felt extra sad and sad in a diff way. With this new season greeting of warm days and outdoor activities. I am thinking more about things my family used to do together - with my dad. Grieving what we used to do all together. My dad even getting to sit outside on the porch. Grief is a life long friend, and I’m getting to know what it’s like during this re emergence from winter to spring.With the total eclipse coming up, I’m thinking of that too. He instilled my curiosity and passion for science. This was his jam. I know he gets to be among the stars now but this definitely would’ve been something wonderful to share with him.I feel his energy often recently. I just really miss him.My therapist is helping me to cry and let the feelings “leak” more vs bottling them tight shut and waiting until my body says “ no more”.
I am finding comfort in laying on the ground. Held by the earth, wrapped in warmth by the sun, loved by our puppy. Things my dad loved. Regardless of anyone’s beliefs, even mine, I have this strong feeling in my bones that I will indeed get to see my dad again one day. Death feels like my person is gone far away on a trip and I am waiting for the day I will get to see them again- I know they’re out there somewhere.
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