Whenever I happen to use a handicap stall in a bathroom (I really try not to) I think of my dad. A memory auto plays in my head.
A memory of the time I was driving him around to run errands. He needed to go to the bathroom. He told me he could make it inside the Chick-fil-A.
At this point he was needing to ride the his electric wheelchair/scooter everywhere, moving very slowly. Absolutely could not take more than five steps without being out of breath. He swore he could make it to the toilet.
I heard my mom’s voice in my head that he can’t walk into bathrooms. I pulled up and he got out, and instantly he desaturates. “His oxygen is probably at 60%” I thought. I had to have him lean heavily on me while we took tiny steps. I tried to scan for the bathroom. I somewhat aggressively asked someone sitting down where the bathrooms were. They pointed. We headed that way.
My dad was breathing heavy, tiny steps. Leaning on me. We were in front of the bathroom door when I felt him weaken even more. His eyes squeezed shut, trying to pace and rush at the same time. I was preparing to have him lay down and him urinate himself.
I got the bathroom door open praying nobody else would be in the bathroom. I kept encouraging him through each of his exhausted breaths, “we’re almost there. Just a couple more steps, just a couple more”.
Finally, I open the handicap stall to turn him around, and I help him sit down and lean back. He’s panting.
I hold him back against the metal flush handle. To keep his chest open, and smooth his hair out on his head to provide comfort. All this time I’m carrying the portable oxygen with me, wishing it could pump even more.
We wait a minute for his oxygen to regulate before I walk him to the sink. A quick hand wash. I walk him to the first table right by the bathrooms and tell him not to move.
“I’m going to get the wheelchair.” I head out to the car.
The memory of that day still rises up in me every time I see a handicap stall. It reminds me of my dad’s struggle and his determination to live life on his terms, despite his physical limitations
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